The Art of Getting Over Ourselves

How to achieve self-determination in community

Work hard, make your own money and find your independence! This trifecta of self-actualisation has been reiterated in popular culture in the past few decades.

The achievement trifecta

The mass media era romanticised hyper-independence and rebellion through movies and music. In the Internet age, we saw the rise of everyday anti-heroes who fight the system and rise to achieve their highest idea of self.

In the age of rampant depression and low self-worth, the scales have started falling off. Obsession with the self is an exercise in futility, for we can never reach our highest selves in service of selfish interests. The best versions of us only show up when we serve others.

Dismantling the trifecta

While the self-actualisation trifecta feels magnetic, it has proven to be incomplete. The ideas easily resonate with young people determined to chart their own path through life. But soon, cracks start to appear in the pursuit of achievement. A nagging loneliness and loud isolation overtake the temporary high of achievement.

Self-development away from others should have raised concerns from the get-go. But wrap anything in a flashy sports car and designer clothes, and you can dress up misery as aspirational. Humanity’s greatest need is each other. To exist in a harmonious dance between self-independence and communal warmth.

Incomplete ambition

Pop culture is obsessed with the self. Chase your dreams, follow your desires, find the love of your life, build your career, and so on. The list is always about our individual wants and wishes.

Individual ambition is dangerous without community—a danger to self and the future of the collective. It leads to self-destructive behaviours when life feels out of balance and achievement feels hollow without companions to share the joy. The collective is dented when talented and capable members of society are out of commission, drowning in their misery.

Asking new questions

We need to demand new answers from ourselves. How does my ambition change when it is led by service to humanity and community? How will my lifestyle change when I take people with me on my journey to self-actualisation? Am I lonely or self-isolating to feed my fear of vulnerability?

Can we reframe the achievement trifecta to become the connection trifecta? Where we feel connected to the community, our best selves and something greater than ourselves, a.k.a the greater good. Connection is a kinder master than achievement could ever be.

The art of getting over ourselves is tied to our ability to find a cause worth living for and doing it with people we enjoy and choose to love. Chasing achievements is great, but it breeds selfish pricks and quickly becomes a miserable reason for living. We start to live when communal ambition truly replaces our selfish ambition.

When we lose ourselves for others, we find the best pieces of ourselves tied to the people we choose to love.